I didn’t understand who Jesus was. It’s one of the reasons I left Christianity in 2021 and got involved in New Age. It was confusing. There was the Holy Spirit and Jesus and God. And they were all separate, but they were all the same.

This is the answer I received on repeat – it was beyond infuriating.

No one would go further with me. And honestly, I wasn’t convinced. I had so many doubts and I just wanted answers. So when I found New Age after coming across random psychic videos on my YouTube feed, as well as videos about empathy and intuition and trauma from people like Aaron Doughty, I waved goodbye to faith.

I saw bright shiny lights and dove down rabbit holes about ancient aliens and affirmations and all kinds of interesting things that I could learn about and get answers for. I watched hundreds of interviews, talks and videos. For three years, I felt waves of euphoric bliss and had supernatural and mystical experiences. I thought I had it all figured out.

I thought I’d found peace and spiritual awakening.

But I was wrong… so very wrong.

What changed in 2024

Before I tell you what happened to make me shift my beliefs in a matter of seconds one warm November afternoon, let me paint a picture of where I was.

Three years into New Age practices, I felt like I was going nowhere slowly in various areas of my life – no matter how much manifesting, meditating, chakra balancing or channelling I did. I’d felt Jesus stirring my heart and was curious to know more about him. Naively, I thought that meant “Christ Consciousness” – a spiritual belief that people can achieve the same level of spiritual mastery as Jesus. And this is where things went really dark.

I was on the verge of getting into Christian mysticism.

At the time, I’d been having scary paranormal experiences and I came across a woman who trained under Rudolf Steiner, an Austrian occultist. She was extremely convincing and I almost believed I was meant to hear audible supernatural voices and see demonic entities as part of my “training.”

I share this openly, without shame because I know many people are getting into these types of practices. It looks magical and innocent upfront. And that emotional high is addictive when you’re unknowingly seeking escapism from some real life challenges. I know, I fell for it, too. False light is sneaky that way – and it’s nothing to play around with.

New Age isn’t anything new; it’s just repackaged deception for modern times.

The day I got saved

I can’t remember what prompted me to get on my bed and start journaling. All I remember is feeling hopelessly lost and desperate. Even after calling on my “higher self” countless times, I felt like my world was ripping apart and everything was out of control.

So I wrote. And I wrote. Until the tears poured down my cheeks and I started writing to Jesus. In three years of New Age, I’d never done this. I asked him for help and immediately, I felt a wave of relief crash over me. It’s hard to describe but I just knew it was him. It was a stable kind of peace, pure comfort and unconditional love.

This is a piece of that journal entry (notice the top two lines – this is something I never wrote during intuitive or automatic writing when I was in a trance-like state, usually after meditating. I never referred to myself as “my child” and I never wrote, “peace be upon you.”)

Since this entry, I haven’t looked back. I renounced all New Age practices and got rid of books and other spiritual or occult things I collected over the years.

The Holy Spirit has been on fire in my heart to share pieces of my testimony and journey in faith on Instagram. Not easy. Especially when I hear people encouraging new Christians fresh out of New Age to wait and study the entire Bible before speaking up.

(Have you seen how long the Bible is? It’s a LIBRARY!)

What I believe about Jesus now

I can’t tell you how selfish I became in those three years; how many relationships I destroyed, and how distracted I became. New Age focuses on the self. Which is fine in balance, NOT when that’s the central theme on repeat.

Not when you’re hurting others on repeat.

Case and point: of all the spiritual teachers I came across, not ONE encouraged people to help the less fortunate, to donate their time and volunteer, or to get out there and offer kindness to someone struggling. (And I followed many).

All I heard was self-indulgent messaging to stay isolated and cut ties with people who had “low energy” so they wouldn’t affect my vibration. All I heard were calls to join special membership sites, to buy books, sign up for retreats, or invest in energy healing sessions. And I did; it cost me a lot of money I deeply regret spending.

Jesus, as far as I know, didn’t promote any of that – or ask for money.

He taught people to love one another, to forgive, and to help the homeless and the poor.

Deception disguised as “love and light”

New Age teachers go out of their way to try and convince people that Jesus was just another ascended master, like Buddha or Muhammad. It was easier for me to agree with spiritual YouTubers (who sounded so convincing) like Billy Carson, Honey C. Golden, Lee Harris, Kerry K, and Aaron Abke, than it was for me to actually separate my emotions, think logically, and question what they were preaching.

I can now see through the deception that masquerades as enlightenment, hidden knowledge and inner wisdom. I truly believe that Jesus is God, and that they are the same. That God sacrificed himself on the cross in human form to take on the sins of man.

I also believe the Holy Spirit is the spirit of God that’s given to each of us when we’re baptised. (I was baptised in December 2017 in a river in Stellenbosch and it was beautiful).

Why I choose Jesus (and will never sway)

My life has direction again. After years of fiddling and overthinking, I got this blog up in two days. I’m also actively looking for a job (and excited about it, strangely enough!). I used to obsess about my purpose and stress over controlling everything. Now I don’t.

I trust that God knows the plan for my life.

In New Age, I felt like I was split in so many directions; mentally and emotionally scattered. Faith feels so different – it’s stable, even on hard days there’s an unshakable peace and knowing that I will be okay. It’s crazy how night and day these experiences have been.

I’ve been following some incredible pastors and Christian scholars while I dive into the Bible, like Wes Huff, who are helping me break past the disillusions I had about Jesus and Christianity. It’s been quite an education so far! By the way, watching this debate between Wes Huff and Billy Carson helped plant seeds for me. It also led a lot of people away from harmful beliefs and towards faith, which is so incredible. God truly works in amazing ways!

It’s about love, always has been and always will be

Unconditional love and forgiveness… it’s beyond comprehension to me. I still don’t know why I was worthy enough to be saved. It feels surreal to know that we are loved beyond measure. I didn’t have to earn it, raise my consciousness, or become a spiritual master. I called out for help and I was shown the most incredible love and acceptance, instantly.

There is nothing fake about that kind of love.

It makes me wonder why so much of Hollywood is hellbent on mocking Jesus (I dare you to find one popular movie or TV show where someone doesn’t curse in Jesus’s name), how quick people are to ridicule believers, and how encouraged everything else is.

It’s very interesting…

What a time to be alive.